So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After last night, I could never be a politician.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
