Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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