oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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