and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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