Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
