My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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