You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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