How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
