sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
