what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
