He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
