The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry about my life...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
