I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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