May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.