Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.