This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"