I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So here I am, sexting at work.
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