DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant