Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
