Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
