Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
