Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize