what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
