I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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