I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
