Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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