My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
