I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
