I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
