if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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