oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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