There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
