You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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