I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
