we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
