That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
