its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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