I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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