yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
