You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
