I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
