dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
