ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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