everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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