I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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