Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
