Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
