since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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