i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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