im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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