Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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