i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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