Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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