I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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