Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize