I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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