...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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