I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
