I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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