First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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