Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
