my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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