she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
