At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
pray to the hookup gods
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