And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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