I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
