I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
