There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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