Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
