if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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