The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
