if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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