I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
