Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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