So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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