I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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