CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
