i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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