I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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