I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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